


The Randy Dowager's Rec List

by yslana



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Warden Alistair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 05:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14098620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yslana/pseuds/yslana
Summary: Tabris finds a trashy erotic novel about Grey Wardens and shows it to Alistair. He blushes a lot.





	The Randy Dowager's Rec List

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Randy Dowager codex entries in DAI, and set shortly before the start of Inquisition.

"I know it's not much, but it's the best lead we've found in years." Kallian shrugged, but her eyes caught his and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "What do you say to another adventure, love?"

Alistair groaned. He still wasn't over the mission that had put him in Kirkwall in the middle of a Qunari invasion. The worst part was that he'd kept thinking he might run into Sten and have to figure out the etiquette for meeting a former comrade-in-arms on opposite sides on a battlefield.

"How far is it this time?" he asked, flopping down on the bed they'd been sharing at an inn on the outskirts of Val Royeaux. The man they'd spoken to had told them _far to the west_ but hadn't given specific distances. Kallian had taken point on tracking down maps. She took point on most things.

"Nearly two hundred leagues past the western border of Orlais."

He sighed and covered his face with his hands. "Maker." They'd have to cross a mountain range for that.

"I know. We'll have to ride _horses_ again."

That pulled a chuckle from him and he rolled over to look at his ridiculous wife. "Horses," he agreed, "so terrible." Honestly, he still wasn't quite sure what she had against them. She wasn't bad at riding once she was settled on her horse, but getting her to that point was... interesting.

"At least you're taking my side this time."

"I'm legally obligated to now that we're married, and I take my obligations seriously."

She laughed, the sound making his chest tighten with happiness. "Is that so?"

"Ask anyone." But despite the teasing, Alistair felt his own smile slipping. "You know what this means, though. We could be gone for a year or more."

Kallian sat down on the edge of the bed and took his hand. "I know. Soris will never forgive me for missing so much. The baby's due in a few weeks."

"We don't have to leave right away, love." He stroked her fingers gently. He knew how much her family meant to her. "We could go back to Denerim and spend some time planning. Maybe see if Zev or Nathaniel care to join us."

He could see she was tempted. Kallian was a woman who cared deeply for her companions, and though she inspired incredible passion and loyalty in them, circumstances conspired to draw them away one by one. Wynne back to the Circle, Leliana to the Chantry, Morrigan to who knew where. Velanna to search for her sister, Anders and Justice to Kirkwall, Sigrun to—presumably—the Deep Roads. She preferred to hold the remainder of her makeshift family close when she could.

"I haven't heard from Nathaniel in a few months," she told him quietly. "Last I knew, he was back in the Free Marches."

"I can get in touch with Carver, see if knows where Nathaniel might be."

"Would you?" she asked softly, longing clear in her eyes.

"Of course, love." He leaned up to give her a quick kiss—

—but she ducked down to the floor before he reached her, and he was left hanging in the air and cursing whatever thought had grabbed her. Then he heard rummaging, and he stuck his head over the edge of the bed to find her rifling through her pack.

"What are you doing?"

"I found something in the market today and I—aha!" Triumphant, she fished a slim book from the pack and handed it to him. "For you, dear."

"For me?" Maker's breath, he always forgot how much he loved her little gifts. He pulled her up onto the bed again to cuddle closer while he examined the cover. " _Conscripted by—_ " He jerked back to stare at her in consternation. " _Conscripted by Love?_ Kal, what is this?"

"A novel about Grey Wardens," she said innocently. He was not fooled. "I found it while we were looking for maps."

"How? I was with you the whole time!"

She just raised an eyebrow until he sighed and admitted defeat. She was very good at going unnoticed.

"Open it up."

He obligingly flipped through the first few pages, on the lookout for whatever prank she was pulling.

"Okay," he muttered. "Wardens preparing for a fateful battle on the edge of Ferelden, new elven recruit from Denerim—this is so blatant I don't know why they didn't just use our names. Why would anyone—"

He turned another page and broke off in a sudden coughing fit, face going hot as a blighted forge, and he knew he was blushing all the way to his ears. Next to him, Kallian cackled gleefully.

"That—" He wheezed. "Andraste's flaming _ass_ , nobody really thinks the Joining is—is—"

"Is _that_ kind of joining?" she finished for him.

He glared.

"We Wardens do hold our secrets awfully close," she teased, leaning over him. "How would they know any better? Besides, just wait until you get to the Battle of Denerim, where we defeat the archdemon with the power of—"

" _Dear_ wife," he interrupted hastily, placing a hand over her mouth, "you have scandalized me. Quite thoroughly. I hope you're satisfied."

She was practically shaking in his arms with muffled laughter now, and so damn beautiful in her happiness that he relented, pulling her close.

Kallian took immediate advantage of his lowered guard, wriggling slowly up his body, her every curve and muscle brushing against him, and _Maker_ , it shouldn't be so hard to catch his breath already. She didn't stop until her lips grazed his neck and she was panting in his ear, hot and heavy.

_"Not yet."_


End file.
